Well me too, you are not alone. I have been hearing this concern a lot lately. Married female entrepreneurs just starting out are saying that they don’t know how to deal with the fact that their spouse’s aren’t supportive. They their partners are really concerned about finances and want to be shown a solid and viable business plan before they will “sign-off” on their spouse’s new project or business.
First it is important to know that support means something different for everyone… for you it may be financial support, others it might be help with children and household, yet others it about faith or belief in following our dreams. Figure out, what type of support you really want? Ask yourself, what is my endgame? Men are very literal creatures and generally what they say is what they mean. Be clear on your motives and intentions for requesting their support.
Make sure you also know that when you ask a man a question they will likely give you answer; which is not always what we want or need.
So, how do you deal with just needing to vent or have a sounding board, well my dear, you ask for it? You say I just need to vent. Or I just need to talk about it, please just listen. If that doesn’t work get a coach or business sister and vent to them.
1) Do not expect a man to automatically be ready to accept your new profession if it will include changes in your life.
2) Do keep going even they “Don’t get it” at the beginning. With communication and time I am sure they will come around. Those are a few of what I learned from my journey and studies.
As Women we support first and ask later. We expect our spouse to be the same. They are not and thank goodness for that. If you have been shaking you head at any of this let me tell you are not alone. Please enjoy the interview below for support from one of my business friends.
I had the pleasure of interviewing a fellow mompreneur, who like me is blessed with a supportive spouse. Neither of our husband’s completely “came that way”. Enjoy this interview, rich with tips and suggestions for you, in your journey.
Tell me a little about yourself?
I am Vanessa Bello-Hayden, mentor and coach, married to Greg for 16-years. We have 4-kids (ages 13,11,7,6). I have started 6 different home based businesses (some more successful than others).
Currently, I run 3 businesses from my home while working full time at a National HealthCare Organization. Bliss Mentoring my newest business venture and my ticket out of corporate forever!
How did you find this supportive man? Did he come this way?
I met my husband when I was in college in Washington D.C.; I am a very driven, self-diagnosed type A personality. I was going to be lawyer and work in Washington. When we were dating Greg said I just want to have a family and settle down. Most people would call us opposites and in our case opposites do really attract. What did we share are core values and we fell in love. NO, he wasn’t always so supportive. And some of it is just who he is. We have had to negotiate a lot, communicate and get through a lot rough stuff together while raising 4 kids. It wasn’t always easy but, I will tell you my husband allows me to do what I want to do and be me, he says go for the stars. We accept each other exactly as we are.
What is something your husband does that allows you the room to soar?
He listens- doesn’t try to help, just listens. He knows from time and experience that I just need to vent sometimes. He doesn’t always try to fix everything for me. He did that a lot before and then overtime, I communicated what I needed and he has been great at listening to me. He is my rock and foundation. I would not be able to go out there in life and soar without him. My husband is my very first accountability partner he calls me out on my BS and when I try to change things or not go forward.
What do you want to share with women who struggle getting support for their new businesses?
First it is very important that balance is created meaning- when you’re at home, take care of home things; when you are at work, and take care of work things. It is really awesome to have a partner at home and have a partner in business so; it all gets done a little easier. Some things you need in your relationship: Communication, asking for what you want, continuous dialog about it, and take time out for catch up sessions with spouse as well as Trust and negotiations. Some things are not negotiable: There will always be love, family, and children come first. Missing kids events is no longer negotiable and nor is taking spouse for granted.
What are your 3 best tips for new entrepreneurs and their spouses?
Time- Can’t force support, give it time
Love – Remember you GUYS LOVE each other and have to show and have love
Tenderness-Be gentle with each other’s fears and feelings, keep communicating
What can female entrepreneurs/mompreneurs, DO if they don’t have support?
- Know your compelling WHY? For your business à Share with your spouse
- Don’t forget to tell him what you’re up to
- Don’t expect immediate buy in
It takes a special kind of man to release the reigns and let a women be successful. Men feel fear of the unknown, which might come along and change things. Bring compassion and understanding. They are afraid also. I can’t stand in the light without you beside me- make sure your husband knows this. In the end it all boils down to trust and respect.
As you can see my interview with Vanessa was amazing. I felt like I was talking to myself with more years’ experience in her marriage. There is not much I can say after all the wonderful things Vanessa shared with you. Big thanks to Vanessa Bello-Hayden for talking with me on this subject. BIG Thanks to her Hubby Greg and the 4 children for letting Vanessa be, VANESSA!
Final thoughts- You need to be clear with yourself before you can share with your spouse. Also REALLY REALLY BIG- YOU Don’t NEED his support to get started. You can still move forward while he is accessing and analyzing the situation, he will eventually come around. Stay in communication with him. Don’t hide. HAVE CONFIDENCE in yourself and surround yourself with supportive business friends. Feel free to post comments and questions. You can also post your thoughts on Facebook .